Lucid Nightmares

When I was in highschool, I used to wonder how low can I go in hell…we figured that the lower you go the higher chance you can escape (because the only way out is below Satan-the ninth circle). When I we discussed Inferno this sem, I seriously looked forward to Level six - heretics…but now that I answered those online tests…I’m actually in Limbo…not bad. Virtuous pagan has a certain ring to it.

The Dante’s Inferno Test has sent you to the First Level of Hell - Limbo!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

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My life right now is really fast-paced…and I have no time to elaborate.

Today’s my birthday, but
actually it hasn’t started yet. I was born 11:35 pm so technically I
have only 25 mins. later to celebrate my birthday.

How was
today? Well haggard talaga. I mean I had classes from 7am to 4pm. Its
actually 6 right now, just finished the GA of the org, and I don’t feel
like going back to the bh (boarding house) yet.

Weird, but I’m
always sad when my birthday comes. I don’t know why. Maybe it can be
rooted from my depression days during high school. I don’t really feel
that it’s my birthday, that it’s something special. For the whole day
I’ve been absent-minded, even forgetting the date when I was filling
out a form at the lib!

Oh well…the old me is back again. Part
of the saidness is probably the fact that I feel unsatisifed with the
way that I’m dealing with my life.

Journ is frustrating, I can’t
seem to write what I’m thinking about..just the same as my Creative
writing class. Who would want to read my stories anyway? I knew from
the start that young adult fiction is not for me. I don’t know how a
young adult thinks. I don’t remember if I’ve been through that age.
It’s like I had a big leap from childhood to this (a state of mind I
cannot really explain or completely understand)…maybe teenage…but
young adult is something in between for me, something in between that I
might not have really plunged into.

Maybe that’s the reason why there’s always this big gap inside of me?

Sorry
I just realized that I’ve been writing and writing this kind of stuff
again..The old Tine is indeed back.There is this old impulse to just
stay outside and wait until its really really dark. I think I need to
be alone. I don’t want to go home. I don’t want to celebrate. I don’t
think there’s anything to celebrate.

You know what I need? I good dose of dark rock…

…gives me that calming effect.

Cough cough…still coughing…Haha. Well it did help my story. Thanks for the interest in my smoke-apade. I wonder what I need to write next before I get much response like this.

But then I am a certified good girl so maybe there is nothing else that will interest you guys.

I’m actually turning 19!!! As my orgmates have said when I turned 18, I should have did all the illegal things I wanted to do - it was too late though. They reminded me about it on the week after my birthday. So I’m not a minor anymore.

If some kids want to grow up sooner, well I want to stay just the same. I don’t want to grow up. I don’t want to pay taxes. I don’t want to commute to work everyday. I don’t want to wake up and see the age lines on my face.

But I do want to vote. Maybe adulthood is not so bad, its the chance to do something good and big for a change. And people take you more seriously…oh but that depends nga pala if you are the kind of person to be taken seriously.

Sadly I wasn’t able to get registered!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sigh. It is my fault really. Damn sayang yung isang boto.

Cough cough…still coughing…Haha. Well it did help my story. Thanks for the interest in my smoke-apade. I wonder what I need to write next before I get much response like this.

But then I am a certified good girl so maybe there is nothing else that will interest you guys.

I’m actually turning 19!!! As my orgmates have said when I turned 18, I should have did all the illegal things I wanted to do - it was too late though. They reminded me about it on the week after my birthday. So I’m not a minor anymore.

If some kids want to grow up sooner, well I want to stay just the same. I don’t want to grow up. I don’t want to pay taxes. I don’t want to commute to work everyday. I don’t want to wake up and see the age lines on my face.

But I do want to vote. Maybe adulthood is not so bad, its the chance to do something good and big for a change. And people take you more seriously…oh but that depends nga pala if you are the kind of person to be taken seriously.

Sadly I wasn’t able to get registered!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sigh. It is my fault really. Damn sayang yung isang boto.

I know I should not have tried it…but I’m a stubborn little brat who always wants to get in trouble.

*cough cough*

My excuse: I need it for my story.

You see I’ve been working on a short story about smoking and after weeks of imagining how a person smokes and asking my friend how it goes, I finally decided that I should experience it for myself.

Discreetly, I bought two sticks of marlboro lights…I wanted hope but they didn’t have them. So as my roommates were out, getting drunk somewhere (sorry guys :). Of course they don’t do this as often as you think, it’s just that someone was celebrating his bday.

Anyway, back to MY story. I locked myself in our room and lit a stick. I tried to do it as my friend explained it…at first I just let the smoke reach my mouth then I tried the real thing, dragging it inside of my system. The first time, I swallowed the smoke and I think my throat was blistered…God it hurt. And it still does *cough*. Been sucking on strepsils for the couple of hours… I can’t even tell my parents why I suddenly had coughs. My Dad, who was a nurse said that it’s just irritation. I can’t look at him in the eye! Oh yeah Dad, my throat got irritated because I did what you told me not to do.

But hey, he haven’t stopped smoking anyway. And I learned my lesson. I hate smoking. I hate it’s smell and I hate it’s taste. there’s just something with the visuals thing that I’m obsessed with.

In the end though, I got a decent drag and exhale. Mission complete. But I don’t think I’ll be trying it out again soon.

*cough cough*

Wow. It seems like an eternity since I last blogged here. To tell you the truth, I’ve been neglecting my friendster profile…and my cyber life. Too much to do lately. And everyone’s just the same. So I decided to just drop by.

Thus the title of this entry…I feel like an alien.

Am sort of swamped with things to do but I’m doing quite well with this time management stuff.

Journ is the heaviest load as usual. If you guys know who my prof is, you’ll understand. You know we were never given atleast one homework per meeting… always 2 and above. And our grades do not give us comfort. But we know it’s for the best. I just wish that we do see the improvement - in our grades.

Ciao!!!

As you can see I am not so keen in writing blogs anymore, not because I have become lazy. In fact, the real reason is that I have been swamped of things to write for the past few days. Until now I don’t know how I can manage my time. I’m having trouble with my young adult story for creative writing. I tried multiple plots and multiple POVs per plot but I can’t seem to satisfy myself with the outcomes. Sigh. I wish someone or something would grant me insight. I’m a narcissistic person so my muse is myself but now that I feel like drowning I have nothing to write about.

Can’t think clearly…

Hey…pasukan na naman..sigh… From now on wala na akong bakasyon…will be studying during the summer. Yun lang…

Hey…pasukan na naman..sigh… From now on wala na akong bakasyon…will be studying during the summer. Yun lang…