Today’s my birthday, but
actually it hasn’t started yet. I was born 11:35 pm so technically I
have only 25 mins. later to celebrate my birthday.
How was
today? Well haggard talaga. I mean I had classes from 7am to 4pm. Its
actually 6 right now, just finished the GA of the org, and I don’t feel
like going back to the bh (boarding house) yet.
Weird, but I’m
always sad when my birthday comes. I don’t know why. Maybe it can be
rooted from my depression days during high school. I don’t really feel
that it’s my birthday, that it’s something special. For the whole day
I’ve been absent-minded, even forgetting the date when I was filling
out a form at the lib!
Oh well…the old me is back again. Part
of the saidness is probably the fact that I feel unsatisifed with the
way that I’m dealing with my life.
Journ is frustrating, I can’t
seem to write what I’m thinking about..just the same as my Creative
writing class. Who would want to read my stories anyway? I knew from
the start that young adult fiction is not for me. I don’t know how a
young adult thinks. I don’t remember if I’ve been through that age.
It’s like I had a big leap from childhood to this (a state of mind I
cannot really explain or completely understand)…maybe teenage…but
young adult is something in between for me, something in between that I
might not have really plunged into.
Maybe that’s the reason why there’s always this big gap inside of me?
Sorry
I just realized that I’ve been writing and writing this kind of stuff
again..The old Tine is indeed back.There is this old impulse to just
stay outside and wait until its really really dark. I think I need to
be alone. I don’t want to go home. I don’t want to celebrate. I don’t
think there’s anything to celebrate.
You know what I need? I good dose of dark rock…
…gives me that calming effect.
