Lucid Nightmares

*sigh* I have not written in my diary for weeks now…what’s happening?
Well I just bought a new book entitled, "fast food fiction" a collection of flash fiction pieces by Filipino writers…And I have to hand it down to them…its a really good book…
And its my type of lit.
For those of you who don’t know, flash fiction is a kind of short story that is really really short..remember our high school days..when our teachers tell us to read a short story and we moan because we realize that this "short" story is actually 14 pages? Well that’s really the true short story… flash fiction (for conservatives like me) is strictly about 100 words..but some say it is less than 500. In the book it is less than 1000 because it seems that the writers couldn’t trim it down anymore. But I don’t mind. It was still damn great.
Flash fiction is something I hope will evolve…selfish as I am…well anyone can write…just try okay…its just sometimes lonely to find no one to talk to about literature. Good thing I have orgmates and blockmates who are positively bookworms like me. Because…one day…when we all die…what will be left of us are written reports, stories, etc.

I’ve always said that my dream in life is to be remembered in history as someone who contributed something good to mankind. A single book won’t hurt right?

Now where is my pen?…I have to start writing again….

As I stumbled into the kitchen and saw everything in a blur, I wondered if the world was real. I’ve wondered all my life. What if? "I think therefore I am." But then how are you sure that you "think"? Man hold unto the belief that this world is real, for if it is not, then we would be undoing all that we have thought of. And actually, to confirm that w are unreal, is in itself a huge paradox. For the standards of the term "real" and "unreal" would also be abolished. With everything undone, all would be left is empty space. But then that word will not exist also… Therefore, proving to prove that the world is unreal is unimaginable and overall unthinkable.

4-8-06 10pm

My friend asked me, "why do you love goth?" while we were browsing some books at the Town Center. I was holding a rare gem, a dictionary for "deadheads" or fans of the "glorious dead". I looked at him..and even though I wanted to explain, to describe to him the joy of darkness, I couldn’t. Instead, I said, "it’s just that sadness is so beautiful…and as you know, death gives more meaning to life." He just shook his head.

Now, as much as I would like to describe my feeling everytime I encounter something gothic (in my own definition) it would be too long..and let’s just leave it as: delectable chills up my spine.

And so I sought for the powers of the internet where I found links to gothic communities..and I am proud to say that I have reached out again to the dark side. *evil laugh* Yes, I could hear the latin choirs singing with my return. And so i digress as always.

You come across me any ordinary day and you’ll dismiss me as some "normal" girl. But then, the true goth does not need to "dress up" like posseurs. I think, breathe, and hear goth…I have no need to prove my dark side’s existence.

How did I become a goth?

1.) I read and write gothic literature…well there might not be a real category such as gothic lit but one cannot deny that Kafka will certainly fall into that category. yes, his delightful dark humor and surreal juxtapositions are just priceless to me.

2.) Then the music. I’m a slave of gothic punk, or dark rock or any other name it is called. Sadly, I only have access to the maintream side…but I am now trying to check out underground gothic bands. Don’t you enjoy all the blood and anguish of dark rock?

3.) I like dressing goth…be it to impress my english professor (last sem, Reg and I performed our own gothic song entitled, "Tainted Saint" in english class. I was wearing a leather skirt, leather boots and a black and white striped top…until I couldn’t bear the sunny weather anymore) or just show bitterness on happy days like valentines day (where everyone kept looking at my black stockings, dress and boots). There are days when i feel like wearing black all week but then sometimes I get sick of it. Whatever my mood is, I wear black eyeliner.

4.) I think like a goth. A goth chooses to be a goth because of the freedom it gives you. You can dress or say anything you want. What do they care right? And that’s what I like about this lifestyle so much. You don’t just accept what society or the Church tells you. To hell with conformity! And then this is the root of my evil side…I have been forever, since birth, fond of the mystical, the wiccan, the evil and the dark side of human life.

You see…without goth there is no life. For there is no death.

I love goth because that’s just what I am. There is no real and tested definition. Goth, in its own nature, is unpredictable. There are no boundaries, there are no taboo topics to discuss. To be goth is to die and see the truth.

Then die again and again and again and again……………*sigh* such bliss!

I’m sorry to say..but I’ve lost the will to write about myself….

Glorious death !!!

Sabi ko na nga ba ako ang female shiva at soulmate ko si Hugh Grant
http://www.facade.com/personal/profile

Tarot Card
 (Equivalent of "2/6/1988")
   

The Lovers: A caring and trusting relationship. Beauty and inner harmony. A decision calling for emotional control and faithfulness to spiritual values.

       
    Rune
(Equivalent of "Kristine Angeli Sabillo")
   

Nyd represents many things, most of them unpleasant - heed it well. Constraint, delay, loss, need, and sorrow are all frequently seen in this rune. Nyd speaks most strongly of pause, the hallmark of the both the timid and the patient, and is often interpreted as foretelling a delay in the effect of other runes that it accompanies. Fortunately, even where there is misery and danger there are valuable lessons to be learned - the trick is to learn them before you are overtaken by despair.

Birth Mates
(Equivalents of "2/6/1988")

    Andy Warhol, Ashton Kutcher, Chow Yun Fat, Freddie Prinze Jr., Hugh Grant, Jerry Seinfeld, Jesse James, Jim Henson, John F. Kennedy, Julia Roberts, Leon Trotsky, Mel Brooks, Natalie Portman, Peter Sellers, Rose McGowan, Saddam Hussein, Wyatt Earp       

Public Role
(Equivalents of "Kristine")

    Words that embody your presence are "Frontier, Harlequin, Internet, Solitude".

Words that embody people or things in your periphery
are "Abandon, Battle, Canvas, Castle, Chronology, Communication,
Conquest, Conspiracy, Demon, Desire, Diamond, Domination, Executive,
Falcon, Feline, Forge, History, Holy, Inside, Isolation, Libido, Limbo,
Mars, Metal, Orange, Order, Purgatory, Silk, Soft, Spy, Teacher, Urge,
Wave, Wine, Word".

Private Persona
(Equivalents of "Tine")

    Words that embody your presence are "Abuse, Blood, Bondage, Crime, Cycle, Evil, Famine, Fling, Fool, Ring, Sex, Son, Thief, Tree".

Words that embody the people or things that you interact with are "Charity, Commune, Cosmos, Daughter, Fervor, Lantern, Martini, Pluto, Spectacle, Vampire".

Words that embody things that you may be a part of are "Destruction".

Words that embody people or things in your periphery are "Transformation".

An-YOH HASHim-ni-kah! That’s hello in Korea…
Just got back from my first day of tutorial…Good thing Royce called me and asked me if I wanted the job… Well teaching 13-yr old koreans are not that hard to teach..they only know the basics so you don’t run out of things to teach… I’m teaching 2 guys, Ryan and Max. They’re both nice..
And I get to earn money this summer! Yipee…
Ciao!

Quentin Tarantino Your film will be 32% romantic, 36% comedy,  52% complex plot, and a $ 44 million budget.

Wow! What a life you have led thus far! Action-packed, anti-social with probably dark humor. Quentin hasn’t really made many films, but each successive one is a bigger and grander project … and more violent. Karate CHOP! Your life story will probably star Michael Madsen, Uma Thurman, or some TV or movie star from the 1980s for which your film will be the comeback — let’s say Emilio Estevez. Maybe. Now that the QT is dating Sofia Coppola, maybe he’ll get some tips about putting some lump-in-the-throat romantic moments in his films. Quentin’s short directing resume includes Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction, Jackie Brown, and Kill Bill Vols. 1 & 2.

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Most of my friends don’t know this - except my booardmates - but I’m actually a very sentimental and clingy person. And I present to you my lovable and cute teddy bear, "teddy", to prove it. Teddy was given to me by my friend, Teresa (I attended her graduation the other day). I never really liked big stuffed animals..I remember giving back one to the guy who gay it…yeah I’m pretty much guilty..but its just so insincere…really..courting is just a play…a game an investment…if a guy gave me a small stuff or flowers…I’d like it more than expensive gifts…But then I digress.

Teddy has bee with me for a year now and I love hime dearly…I remember Jen asking me, "what if the guy you really love becomes your beau but he asks you to choose between him and teddy. who will you choose?" I answered, "if he really loves me then he’ll accept teddy…" yeah I’m so hung up on the little critter…he’s so small he can sit on my palm..

The name? Well I got the idea from Mr. Bean. He also looks kinda the same…BTW, I have a new little stuffed animal I named "Bunny". Guess what animal it is…hehe….well simple names are cool. It reminds me of childhood and innocence…