Lucid Nightmares

It should have been me but instead it was you…

its a song from the album Rosas ng Digma (not typically mainstream…well its leftist material but the production was good and so was the music) my prof had us listen to.

I just remembered it now after waking up in front of the TV and seeing rallyists being arrested and dispersed. Yes it has just been a couple of hours ago when Arroyo (our incumbent president) called for a State of National Emergency (whatever that means). Well for me it only means one thing - an excuse for warantless arrest.

Of course I am bothered by this. I was supposed to be in EDSA today. But well, I changed my mind. I was convinced by my inner demons. What if I did go? Will anything happen to me. I wonder now…

I am guilty of being a coward and running away from all this. Like the song said…it should have been me but instead it was you…some other UP student might be in jail right now, worst my orgmates. But I have faith in GOD. He will not let us down. I don’t know what to excpect next. But the call for media to leave the Palace at 6pm is anomalous. I feel a whip of the martial law…

I am a people power baby…my parents were wed weeks after it happened. Even the motif of the wedding was yellow. And if you haven’t figured out by now why my name is Kristine. It was from Kris, Ninoy Aquino’s daughter. I may be ashamed of the person I was named by but not by the cause her family symbolized. I have no trust in Cory right now but I hope anther miracle like the EDSA 1 would happen. Let us liberate the PHilippines from this so-called democratic republic…

we rise when we fall

as i stare below
i see reality sprawled on the ground
i bend down and feel its force

my guitar beside me
i wonder
to jump or not to jump

(demons) the leaves lure me
swimming swimming
into the dark pit

what does it feel like to fall?
do you float as if you plunge in deep water?
or do you just land hard?

a cat walks across the cars
pull me out i tell her
pull me out

is this the bottom or the top?
i’m stuck in between
if i jump will i rise or fall

what is right from wrong?
what is good from evil?
why do people hesitate to jump?

will we die?
or will our souls just be set free?
i hear nothing but silence

gravity pulls us down
to hell
but why?

is it the nature of man to go there?
but what is down?
what if it is heaven?

then we’ve been wrong all these times
right is wrong and wrong is right
what is the difference? we do it both anyway

what if the world is actually the opposite of what we perceive it?
we rise when we fall
we do when we don’t

i stare at my hands
do we really exist?
somehow this world doesn’t feel real

what is real?
what is true?
life is painfully beautiful don’t you think?

i spread out my wings
i mean my arms
a faint sunlight embraces me

i take off my jacket
and watch it fall
no it swam with the wind. it swam

i close my eyes and see light
darkness to some
i don’t understand why things are wrong

what is real?
my feet?
i stare at them, their edges floating as my heels balanced on the ledge

i close (or open?) my eyes and breathe
do we really breathe?
i was ready. somehow it was nothing

i unclasped myself from the concrete - from reality
i am nothing
i fell 9or i floated?)

i don’t know
but slowly i felt lighter
i felt unreal

what is true?
my hair?
one by one they disintegrated into nothing…like me

i was nothing
i was unreal
but why did it hurt to know?

Well my party is over and blahblah blahblah blahblah..

I don’t know what to say…I guess its fun…although our "band’s" performance kind of…well there were glitches…but good thing it was not noticed..well addict pa rin sa paramita…thanks chinkee…mahal na kita, well you see she gave me a CD of paramita as a gift…thanks to rowcee too for giving me jolography! (authored by my favorite prof. manalo) and jen (all those pretty sheeps) and to all of course my parents (if they’re reading this)… I love the silver pick my dad gave me…

well I’m getting lazier and lazier to write in this blog…hey I’ll just post some of my new poems next time..

P.S. to my band, "endmenimore" (naks may name na kami!)  we rock even though it was our first ever gig…Go guys!

P.S.S.

BTW, that night was the first time I got drunk to the point that I couldn’t stand up…so now I think I’ll drink a lot…:) well i only got drunk because I didn’t eat anything..I mean I never get drunk…(sic) never (sic) i’m serious okay (sic) (sic)

On a lighter side, I am here to promote something, this is for my beloved org…please help

If you want to just have fun or you need a date,

Then go to Dish, on feb10 (friday) 8pm there will be
a Valentines Celebration.
Activities: Celebrity Matchmaking, Speeddating,
etc…
The tickets are originally 200 but I’m selling it for
130 pesos. if you are interested text me okay?
09287820328

Dish
Ground Level, ELJ Center
ABS-CBN Compound, Mother Ignacia St.
Quezon City
Tel. 413-0603, 413-0614
Cuisine: Filipino, International
Bar type: Live Band

Thanks for reading this. And please help me find people who will buy tickets.

Our class of Journ 100 is currently working on a public statement to be published hopefully in leading newspapers. it is in context with what has happened at Ultra this weekend. Here is my side on it, with some of the discussions we held in class. I hope you people are aware of what the real causes of this tragedy is. if not then you should really read on. This is just a draft…not even checked for grammar or spelling but I posted it because action should be immediate. At the least, your reaction and understandin.

What happened in ultra was not only the fault of the abs-cbn or the people who went there. If we analyze the problem, we will realize that this is just an accident waiting to happen, having foundations in deep social roots. There is no ONE institution to blame because all of us are to blame here: for being irresponsible, insensitive and even not caring about the society.

The Government:

            Some argue that if we trace back what happened a little further, the governemnt is part of the problem. They lack economic support. And it is obvious that although they tell us all of their achievements in terms of economy we can see little change in the society. The poor is still the majority. And we wonder, even though class c and d (the poor) make up most of our popoulation, it is the class a and b (the elites and the rich) who are in the govrnemnt and in power. It is no wonder why the poor succumb to the means of game shows. This opens the door to another issue, another side of the problem - desperation.

Desperation:

            The reason why a lot of people came to Ultra last weekend was because they were already desperate. Some have no jobs, some don’t eat even twice a day, some can’t support their families. People are desperate to get money. And in our society, the unequal distribution of wealth is seen. The rich live in mansions an ordinary citizen wouldn’t even dream of having because of practical reasons. They are pampered, they are able to buy everything they want. They are able to eat any food they crave for. The poor and the rich shows such contrast. And this fact is another reason for their desperation. They wonder why things are that way. they wonder why they are not rich and so they subscribe to immediate means of money such as contests like this.

Culture of Materialism:

            This desperation in the lower classes builds a society of materialism. People are being brought up thinking that the important things in this world are material things. They want to acquire more money, more wealth…also the reason for the wide gap of classes. The rich want more money…and they have the means - thus the poor are left with almost nothing

Portrayal of Media:

            And although we are Journalism students, we accept the fact that the mdia has a big role in this problem. Nowadays, media establishments are focused on generating ratings, audience and profit. They want these things so much that they thrive on the culture of materialism, the desperation of the people. We understand that the media also want to hep the poor but there are other ways. Actually the trend of gameshows and reality shows are a bad influence to the society. They promote a Cinderella ideollogy (can’t think of another term…just replace it), wherein people are able to achieve their dreams and wishes by sheer luck or just performing in front of the camera. let us remember that long ago success was achieved through tedious work and years of improving oneself. this trend has thought filipinos to subscribe to shows giving easy money. Let us remember that our (the media) role is to give what the people need and not what they want. or better yet give them what they need in the form of what they want. The media is an institution whose job is to inform the people of the truth. We are not to distort it, we are not to sell it. Perhaps the media thinks that it is futile to sell the truth and so they sell lies?

Thinking audience:

            And what do the people need? They need a governemnt who will support them, who will give them livelihood projects that will teach them to help themselves. They need a society where wealth is equally distributed even in the form of donations to the community or other non-profit organizations. People need a society that doesn’t dwell on material things, a society that teaches them the right way to better living. And they need a media that will guide them to the truth. A media who will help in the upheaval of society. A media with integrity who will change the outlook of the society for the better. We’re all just in a circle. And it comes back to us. We need each other to help the less privileged and to teach the uninformed, that in real life, it is not always instant cash prizes…stories of rags to riches are stories of perseverance.

Kristine Angeli Sabillo

J100

Well since it’s my birthday today…I decided to visit my rotting blogspace between ultimate-guitar searches and checking out emails and emassages from people who love me… Yes there are still people who are kind to beings like me…

*sigh* I’ve missed you blog!!!! I guess I’m turning 18 afterall. As my orgmates said, pwede na sa lahat…sa lahat ng bawal…

how I regret not commiting a crime when I was still a minor *sigh* at least I would have been let off easily… But there’s no turning back now. I am not a moronic child..instead now i am a moronic lady… Duh….

Oh well…enough about musings….at last my birthday bash is actually going to be held this FRIDAY!!!! Yup….so to all my friends please drop by and sing…I need performers…hehe….its kind of a acoustic thingy…or whatever it is…

I’m tired…till next time!!!:) Love you blog…I miss my blogger crab…