Lucid Nightmares

Well I’m done with my interview…it was ok i guess but i really sucked when it came to…well i can’t tell, can i?
I think i flunked but i hope we’ll all still be inducted. There were also somegood points in my interview but the urge of hitting my head on the wall because of stupidity is stronger than contentment. but as i told Ina, we can’t do anything about it now but be dignified and well…"panindigan na lang". And that’s what i did. now i’ll think twice before I say anything. i really don’t know why i’mwriting this blog when i know that nobody actually reads it. Unless i persuade them…
Academics? i really don’t know. I’m getting mediocre grades but at least i haven’t gotten a 3. Alli can do now is hope and study for my theoretical exam in "Kasaysayan 1". Uh-oh…I’ll be handling 2 reportings for next next week. Got to be ready…and so i started researching about the history of journalism and the easter island (archaeology). What else?
More assignments for math 2 and creative writing 10…
And I’m waiting for the right time to ask my parents if they’ll let me sleep over at Dana’s house for our batch bonding (co-applicants at UJP).
Basically, I’m at a low right now. i think I need to find a job…its actually a good experience but I hate tutoring…extra effort eh. What i’d like is to write or any job that doesn’t require teaching…
Well I’ve always wanted to be independent. I wish i could start now.
I live far from my parents and my allowance is from my tutoring…but I’m hating it now because my student isn’t progressing. is it me? or is he just plain stubborn. But of course he’s my cousin i know he’s smart - just too lazy. I don’t understand..

PEACEFUL IS MORNING

Pawang abo ang kadiliman sa gubat.
Maalinsangan at mainit na panahon. Naglalakad sila. Isang grupo ng mga
kalalakihan. Ang kanilang mga mukha’y napupuno ng poot at paghihirap.

 Isang taon
na. Isang taon ng paghihirap. Ang dating mapapayapang kadete sa Unibersidad,
ngayon, ay mga gerilya na.

 Naglalakad
sila. Dalawang magkapatid. Ang nakababata’y dise-siete at ang isa’y dise-nuebe.
Kausap nila ang dalwa pang pinuno ng kinasanib nilang mga pangkat din ng
gerilya. Ang panganay ay hindi matikas, may makinis na mukha at mapungay na mga
pilikmata. Ngunit ang tawag sa kanya ng mga Hapon ay “Hill Terror”.

 Naglalakad
sila. Isang manunulat. Natatanaw na nya sa di kalayuan ang isang tulay. Dito
gaganapin ang kanilang mga plano. Ngunit 2 araw na ang lumilipas, hindi pa rin
dumarating ang kanilang hinihintay. Hinigpitan nya nag hawak sa lumang riple.
Basa ng pawis ang kanyang damit.

 “Kelan kaya
matatapos ang kabaliwang ito?” kanyang naibulalas. Tinignan sya ng katabi at
nagwikang, “Bumagsak na ang Corregidor. Tayo na lang ang pag-asa…”

 Napayuko
ang manunulat. Gustong-gusto na nyang bitawan and baril (kapalit ng kanyang
pluma). Ngunit ito ang tawag ng panahon. Alam nya na sa ibang parte ng pulo ay
may grupo din ng mga armadong sundalo. Hindi sila sumuko…pinili nilang magtago
sa kabundukan…

 Oktubre 11,
1942. Isang sundalo ang humahangos na dumating. Malapit na daw ang kalaban.
Alas onse iyon ng umaga. Nagsipwesto na sila sa likod ng bangin na katapat ng
tulay.

 Isang trak
ang lumitaw. Hinagisan ito ng granada ng kapatid ng Hill Terror. Napasabog nya
ito. Ngunit may mga sundalo na lumabas dito at nagtago. Sunod-sunod silang
nagpaputok habang nagpapaulan ng kanyon. Sa pagkakagulat, napagtanto ng mga
gerilya na napaghandaan na pala sila. Isang espiya ang sumusunod sa kanila, 2
araw na ang nakakaraan.

 Ilang oras
ang lumipas, sa hindi patas na labanan. Ang kalaban ay may mga kanyon, machine
gun at awtomatik na riple samantalang ang mga gerilya ay gumagamit lamang ng
mga baril na tira-tira mula sa digmaan noong 1918.

 “We are the
pocket of resistance…we are the pocket of resistance…” paulit ulit na
binibigkas ng manunulat. Bigla-bigla, isang piraso ng shrapnel ang pumunit sa
kanyang kanang kamay. Pagdurusang hindi mailuluha…

 Ilang oras
pa ay dumilim na ang kalangitan. Bumuhos ang naglalakihang mga patak ng ulan.
Linulunod ang ingay ng digmaan. Dahan-dahang umatras ang kalaban. Oktubre 11,
1942, 11am. Nang matapos ito, 11 ang nasawi at 11 din ang lubhang nasugatan sa
mga gerilya (ngunit mas madami ang sa Hapon)

 Nakabenda
ang kamay ng manunulat. Sa tabi nya ay may lalaking walang mata (tinamaaan din
ng shrapnel) sa kabila ay may laslas naman ng bayoneta sa binti.

 Ang mukha
ng manunulat ay nag-iba na tulad ng sa 2 magkapatid. Mukha na ito ng isang
sundalong beterano…sugat-sugat at seryoso. Sa kanyang isipan ay kanyang
pinauulit-ulit, “We are the pocket of resistance…we are the pocket of
resistance…”

 Ito pa
lamang ang simula….

ISANG LAGALAG

Ako’y isang lagalag – naligaw sa highway ng buhay

Pinilit kong humabol sa mga naglalakihang trak at bus

Rumaragasa, nagmamadali

Walang mga preno – sila’y nagbabanggaan

Kaya eto ako at naglalakad

Nakayuko sa tsinelas, kuko at pulseras sa paa na pawing
kolor pula at itim

Sa kalayuan ang mundo ay kulay abo

At ako ay mistulang bingi sa kaguluhan ng mga tao

we must realize that even though our time here in earth is so little compared to the life of the whole universe…somehow we co-existed…our lives intertwined with each other and here we are - together in a single life span. isn’t it amazing?

GOD….I’m depressed again…I wonder why….

kainis talaga…why is life like this? why can’t i make absent when i feel bad…am i becoming this nerd all of a sudden? eewww…i’m so yucky…

GOD….by how i write i can see that i’m not myself today…

i’m homesick eh…not of home and family (i’m over that) but my old highschool buddies…i wonder what they’re doing right now…I feel bad that i wasn’t able to go to school as what i promised Teresa…so bummed out…if other orgs have hellweeks we have our hell semester..well not actually…its just 1 1/2 hour tine…control yourself…i’m wasting internet time right now, just typing…endlessly with no purpose so i guess i’ll have to stop this….

i can’t!

oh…boy…..

bye i guess!!!!

huhu…it’s my solo interview on monday..huhu…takot na ko

conscience: keep it cool..k lang yan wag ka iiyak

huhu….ba’t mo pa binanggit ayoko na ngang isipin eh….

conscience: may level 10 joke ka na ba?

wala pa…pano yan kung umiyak ako eh di hindi na sila matatwa sa joke ko

conscience: kaya mo yan…suportahan ka naman ng co-apps mo

Note: people bigyan nyo naman ako ng level 10 na joke!!!!!

kitakits na lang….huhu

SILID

Sa munting na ito ako’y nagsusulat. Ang bintana’y tahimik na nakapikit at ang pinto’y binging nakikinig. sa pluma na umiiyak at papel na humihikbi, aking itinarak ang silakbo ng mundo. habang ang mga salita’y unti-unting umuusad sa samyo ng hanging kulob.

7-20-05

Obsession with fate

How weird it is
How silly people are
To fuss about things
When they are in love
The unnoticed brushing of hands
The same color of clothes
The mere fact that they are in the same room
Every detail is absorbed into laminated memory
Frame by frame like a moving camera
I used to wonder
But now I know
The accidental stares
Passing by in places
Coincidence?
I silently wish
My luck would continue
But then it stopped
I no longer see you outside the classroom
We no longer unnoticably wear the same color of shirt
Somehow I’ve lost you
And i said to myslf
That you’re not that worth it afterall
How weird it is
How silly people are
To let their little obsession with fate fade away
When it is getting exciting day by day
But somehow, chance closes the door
You stop and learn
That you’ve lost your turn

It is all but a game, isn’t it?

8/12/05 8:48 pm

I have just finished watching Gundam Wing: Endless Waltz…atlast!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ha!!!!!!!! I’ve waited for all eternity to watch it…
I’m so happy!!! Di naman obvious noh? Oh I’ve already broke the 15-exclamation-point-in-one-lifetime rule…anywayz, I still have a lifetime to live for…why limit myself to 15 exclamations?
Reaction on the film? i think the nation can relate with it…it has something to do with democracy and autocratic power…and Mariemeia’s height reminds me of PGMA… *evil laugh* Bitin…kind of…but I liked the solution to the problem: awareness of the people and their realization that they must fight for their PEACE - which is so true. I’m not talking about fighting in its denotative form…we are to fight and show that we are not content anymore by what is happening. Should we wait for something so terrible to happen like Ninoy’s death (in the movieit was the call of the hostaged Relena that awoke them)
I guess I am too idealistic…What the hell if the world dies into ruins..What the hell right? Which is actually gramatically incorrect.

Next project: Now that I have bought Endless Waltz atlast…I am going to buy the whole series of gundam next *eyes sparkle* I’m so excited. GOSH….I feel so giddy…

MUSIC: none…but i can hear the background sounds of Encantadia emanating from the room behind this computer table…I’m so disappointed with filipino films..except the indie ones and the ones produced by UP students..biased? hehe… What we call "original" ideas for TV series are actually a bunch of rip offs from hollywood movies, asianovelas, etc etc…Eww…couldn’t they be more creative?
If all the unoriginal people will drop dead at the moment then the world population will drop to about 5% - the streets will look ala resident evil and corpses will be everywhere - including mine (hehe…) well no one is original…except maybe the first people on earth…but of course there are some exceptional so-called "human being"

LOCATION: Living room…the place is dark…so dark that…i feel real sleepy…I hate the weather in diliman…so wet yet i love the rain…isang malaking kabalintunaan? The fishes in our aquarium are swimming in murky water…I guess it needs to cleaned..Yipee! No tutoring tomorrow…I just hope my cuz got a passing grade for his periodicals…what about me? I think I should visit the monastery of Sta. Clara again…:)

Bakit ang chippy pag hiningi mo mas masarap?
If Napoleon shaved his hair would he still be a prominent figure?
-questions from the book, "DRAMA QUEEN" - cosmopolitan